“Leading conspiracist intellectual” thanks French President

Dear President Holland,

I am writing to thank you for deeming me one of the four leading “conspiracist intellectuals” in North America. I am also flattered by your suggestion that my “conspiracy theories” should be banned by the French and European governments, and globally by international agreement as well.
I had no idea I was so important.
Your anti-conspiracy outbursts appear to be targeting my new book We Are Not Charlie Hebdo: Free Thinkers Question the French 9/11. Are you really considering banning my book? That would be incroyableetonnant, even merveilleux. In plain English, it would be really, really cool. Do not, I repeat, do NOT let me stop you. Go ahead, ban away. Make my day. And if you wouldn’t mind buying a few thousand copies and publicly burning them in the middle of the Champs-Elysees or the Place de la Bastille or Place de la Concorde or someplace like that, I would be eternally grateful.
Perhaps you could also issue a more specific public attack on my book . . . something I could use as a blurb? How about: “We Are Not Charlie Hebdo eez fool of, ow you say, conspeerasee TEEE-oreez. Pleeeez buy zeee copies and zen burn zem. And zen go buy more copies and burn zem too.”

Full letter:

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