Charlie Hebdo madness: Coincidence theorists run wild!

Coincidence theorists are having a field day in the aftermath of the Charlie Hebdo shooting. The Paris attack has given them an excuse to spin their wild webs of supposition – based on insanely improbable coincidences – leading them to an outrageous conclusion: The official story is correct.

"Isn't it an amazing coincidence that Charlie Hebdo predicted a massive 'Islamic terrorist' attack in January 2015 and it actually happened the way they called it?" said C. Nweevil of the coincidencist website BluePill.com. "That's right up there with Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz and their friends calling for a New Pearl Harbor in September 2000 – and getting it exactly one year later. It just goes to show that crazy, random, meaningless things happen all the time."

"It's stunning how so many spectacular terrorist attacks, assassinations, and similiar events seem to generate such incredible coincidences," agreed Justin Credibull, host of the Everything's A Coincidence radio show. "For example, who would ever have thought that the Rothschilds – the founding family of the State of Israel – would buy Charlie Hebdo just one month before a terrorist attack sent its stock soaring skyward and its print run from 30 thousand to 7 million, generating pro-Israel propaganda that even trillions of dollars could never have bought ? Those Rothschilds sure are lucky."

"And it happened right after France's legislature voted to recognize Palestine," adds  Coincidencitarian  scholar Dr. Stuart Pidd of Yale University's Department of Coincidence Studies. "Amazing coincidence - just like the Norway shootings by that lone nut Breivik." Pidd added that the complete shift of French policy achieved by the shooting, which stopped France's movement towards pro-Russia as well as pro-Palestine positions, was "just one of those freak events."

Coincidence theorists agree that the alleged suicide of French Police Commissioner Helric Fredou, who was investigating the Charlie Hebdo affair, was a meaningless bit of random happenstance with no bearing on the case. They also assert that it was a bit of sheer random luck that caused one of the alleged terrorists to accidentally leave his ID card in the abandoned getaway car, allowing police to identify the suspects. Some even argue that the fact that the alleged terrorists were shooting blanks, not real bullets, as they fled the Charlie Hebdo offices was "just one of those crazy things."