Obama: "I'm a SOUL Jew!"

They neglected to report the rest of the President's statement:
"…But not in my body - and if you think you're going to whack off the end of my peepee with one of those rabbinical meat-cleavers, you've got another think coming!"

But seriously, folks...Imagine what Fox would be if doing Obama had said "I am Muslim in my soul." Yet a covertly Jew-souled President is OK. How very odd.

Naturally, the Presidential coming-out-of-the-closet as a "soul Jew" did not satisfy the neocons, who have been sneaking around the halls of the White House sharpening their knives.

In an attempt to mollify them, Obama invited a group of very special guests to a special SoulJew White House dinner. After the main course of kosher chitlins, lox and bagels topped with collard greens, and imitation hog-jowls made from tofu that had been blessed by a rabbi, the president took center stage at the White House Karaoke Bar and sang:

I'm a Soul Jew (by Barrack Obama, apologies to James Brown)

Comin' to ya on a settler's road
Gold shekels I got a truck load 
And when you get it you got something kosher
So don't worry I won't snitch, 'cause I ain't no moser

 I'm a soul Jew I'm a soul Jew I'm a soul Jew I'm a soul Jew 

Got what I got the Jews' way 
And I'll take more shekels each and every day 
So Esther don't you fret Cause you ain't seen nothing yet 
I'm a soul Jew I'm a soul Jew...

Though I was brought up on a schvartse street 
Learned to kiss kosher tush before I could eat 
And though I was educated from goy stock 
When I start lovin' Jews I just can't stop 

 I'm a soul Jew, I'm a soul Jew..

The presidential karaoke performance was interrupted by heckling from Rev. Jeremiah Wright: "You goddamn kosher oreo cookie, you didn't learn that song in none of MY church!"

The president, ever the compromiser, calmed Wright down by launching into a more traditional number:

Onward Christian SoulJews 

Onward Christian SoulJews, marching off to war
Slaughtering the Holy Land just like we did before
Only this time we're crusading for a bloody Jewish state
So onward Christian SoulJews, the hour is getting late

Onward Christian SoulJews, come join our happy throng
We've read the Scofield Bible now we'll sing this stupid song
Crowns and thrones may perish, kingdoms rise and wane
But the blue-starred flag of Antichrist constant will remain

Onward Christian SoulJews, come march with us awhile
We'll flood the land with blood from the Euphrates to the Nile
Bibi the royal coward leads against the foe
When he flees the field of battle we'll just turn and watch him go,
and sing:

Onward Christian SoulJews, marching off to war
Slaughtering the Holy Land just like we did before
Only this time we're crusading for a bloody Jewish state
So onward Christian SoulJews, the hour is getting late