February 5th 2010
Undisclosed location northeast of western South Waziristan
(AP) Supporters of President Obama were shocked and dismayed yesterday by a Washington Post report that the President has embraced Bush's policy of killing US citizens allegedly involved in terrorist actions abroad. But it now appears that Obama has received enthusiastic support from an unexpected source: Osama Bin Laden himself.
In a new audiotape delivered by bearded courier to TruthJihad.com, the reclusive al-Qaeda leader is heard enthusiastically endorsing Obama's "kill Americans" policy.
Here is a translation of Bin Laden's statement.
In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, and prayers and peace upon the Prophets and Messengers. As for what follows: From Osama bin Muhammad bin Ladin to the President whose name rhymes with mine, and whose new policy follows mine, peace be upon he who has accepted the Guidance.
O honored and respected President, your decision to accept my 1998 fatwa urging the killing of Americans and their allies, wherever and whenever it is possible to do it, has filled my heart with joy.
Your plan to kill Americans who may be involved with terrorism must have been inspired by my 1998 fatwa, though I understand why, for political reasons, you cannot say this publicly.
As you know, all American troops and CIA personnel who have invaded and occupied foreign lands are terrorists, and all Americans who have paid taxes, participated in elections or other federal government activities or programs, or otherwise given their implicit endorsement of these acts of terrorism are therefore involved with terrorism. That means, my rhyming-named brother in jihad, that nearly all Americans are "involved with terrorism" and should be killed.
It is a miracle, all praises are due to God, that you, my newfound comrade in our blessed struggle against the satanic infidel power, have chosen to abandon your own Constitution and call for the slaughter of your own people without the hypocritical pretense of what Americans once called fair trials, due process of law, and other fine words. By burning your Constitution, you have destroyed the basis of governance of your nation far more effectively and thoroughly than I could have by annihilating Washington D.C. with a nuclear weapon. And by calling for the mass slaughter of your own people, using your own weapons, you have saved the mujahideen a lot of trouble.
May your blessed plan to kill Americans involved with terrorism, meaning all of them, succeed with the help of God the glorious and exalted. As you Americans say, waste 'em all and let God sort 'em out. That is all that needs to be said. And may peace be upon him who has followed the Guidance.
Labels: assassinations, CIA, constitution, executive power, murder, Obama, Osama Bin Laden, satire, terrorism, torture, war crimes