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Saturday, January 2, 2010

Commercial Pilots Leak Secret TSA Christmas Memo Ordering Pilots to Torture Passengers


Certain commercial pilots who wish to remain anonymous (and employed) have leaked an airline memo, apparently dictated by TSA, ordering aircraft operators to mistreat their passengers in response to the CIA/Mossad Christmas crotch-bombing extravaganza. One of the pilots writes:

So I got my liquids searched at the airport this morning. Pretty remarkable considering I was FLYING THE AIRPLANE! This is a message that my company sent me this morning that I thought you would enjoy. Please don't send this to anybody without asking me first. The airlines overreact to this stuff as I'm sure you're aware of. 

I checked with another couple of pilots who confirmed the memo's authenticity. Then I asked pilot #1  if I could post it. He responded:

It's technically "Sensitive Security Information" which I can get imprisoned, sent to Guantanamo, tortured, or all of the above for leaking. Especially for leaking it to un-American, un-Patriotic, terrorist suspects/sympathizers like yourself! Anyways... If you use it, let me know.

So I'm using it and letting him know. Here is the security-sensitive memo:

On December 25, 2009, a terrorist attack was attempted against a flight traveling to the United States. TSA has identified security measures to be implemented by airports, aircraft operators, and foreign air carriers to mitigate potential threats to flights. These are among a series of activities within the security environment.

The in-flight portion of this Security Directive as described below applies to all scheduled and/or public charter flight operations departing from any foreign location to the United States (including its territories and possessions); IMMEDIATE implementation all measures in this SD is required for flights meeting the criteria noted above.

Among other measures being taken in the gate area including additional screening, the aircraft operator must ensure that the following procedures are followed during flight:
1. Passengers must remain in seats beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
2. Passenger access to carry-on baggage is prohibited beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
3. While over U.S. airspace, the flight crew may not make any announcement to passengers concerning flight path or position over cities or landmarks.
4. Passengers may not have any blankets, pillows, or personal belongings on their lap beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.

Follow the appropriate Threat Level procedures for non-compliance.

To ensure the passengers are aware of the new directives, flight attendants on international departing flights should make the following announcements:


After the GET SETTLED briefing - “Due to new security requirements for international departing flights, you have encountered additional screening at the gate area as well some new procedures that will take place during flight. We apologize for the inconvenience but these new requirements are government mandated.”


Approximately one hour and fifteen minutes prior to arrival - “In about fifteen minutes, the seat belt sign will be illuminated for the remainder of the flight. At that that, all passengers must remain seated with no access to carry-on baggage and with all pillows, blankets and personal belongings stowed. If you need to use the facilities, put away items or stretch your legs, please do so now.”

If you have any questions, please contact a member of Inflight management, Flight Operations management, the on-call Inflight Supervisor of the on-call Chief Pilot.

4 comments:

  1. So along with the barf-bags, they're going to have to start handing out pee-bags. This BS is so insane, I don't know whether to barf or pee in my pants laughing. Hey stewardess, I'll take one of each!

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  2. and keep your hands out of your pants, buddy!
    LOL this IS insanity! Anonymous1, you hit it, 'would you like the optional colostomy bag after your inflight meal?'

    --
    ZZ Top should re-release their song:
    The [World] going crazy ['cause of] the sharp-dressed man!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. i'd rather be inconvenienced ,then blown up by some lunatic thank you .

    ReplyDelete
  4. May you get your wish and be inconvenienced, then blown up by some lunatic ;-)

    ReplyDelete